It is what it is

Tomorrow I am going in for what will (hopefully) be my final surgery in awhile. Or at least for a couple of months. After weighing my options, researching thoroughly, talking with others in similar situations, and lots of tears I have decided to have a mastectomy.

I could go on and on about how I came to this decision, but basically it came down to my young age and increased chance of local recurrence if I don't have a mastectomy despite research showing similar long-term survival in mastectomy vs. breast conserving treatment (lumpectomy). Fear was definitely a factor in my decision. It scares me that cancer somehow found a way into my strong, fit, and healthy body. More than anything, I want to move on with the next chapter of my hopefully very long life.

This has been the hardest decision of my life. My head is constantly spinning weighing the pros and cons of each option and the possible outcomes that I have no way of predicting. Over the past few weeks I have been all over the place emotionally. Some days (or moments), when I choose not to think about it, I feel great. Other days (or moments), not so much. 3 months ago if you asked me how attached I was to my breasts, I would probably be more or less indifferent. When put in this position, it is amazing how that changes. I also worry about needing more procedures down the road. Really I just want to be done!

The good news is that there are options for reconstruction, some of which I just learned about this week. My surgeon(s) are very skilled in this area. I am hopeful that I end up with cosmetically attractive and perpetually perky breasts:)

I catch myself sometimes feeling sorry for myself, however with everything going on in the world today I really do feel fortunate. I feel healthy, have a wonderful husband, supportive family and friends, a great job that I love, and medical insurance.

Most importantly I have passion for living.